;, day 3

Really, what an idiotic start.

Day 3 and I woke up with my bloody ankle hurting like a strain or a sprain. Got it hurt in my sleep nonetheless, what an absurd way to get injured.

Looks like I won't be able to do a shit today, perhaps not even tomorrow. Never mind, not a good reason to give up. Other aspects-wise I am doing okay so far, shall continue to perseve and get the flow started as soon as my ankle recovers. Since I can't work on one aspect I should concentrate on the others in the meantime.

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There's so much going on in the office; some can be seen clear as day while others are so discreet one would miss it in the blink of an eye. Nothing is surprising anymore. Most of it can even be deemed as 'predictable' when it happens or 'expected' when it ends. I guess I was once a part of it as well but I prefer to sit on the sidelines and watch the rest make fools of themselves with their day-to-day soap dramas. These affairs and scandals and politics and lies and gossip; so absurd at times, really. Life should be simpler.

;, day 2

It never starts easily; admittedly I'm off to a bad start again.

It's all right. I will pick up the pace slowly. This time round I will see it through to the end.

I think I was being way too impatient and unrealistic in the past, in terms of objectives and time-frames, to see any of Projects to proper fruition. I'm going to take my time on this one. It's hard to keep something going on for long; eventually I get distracted by other things or get lazy or give up completely. I'm interested to see if I can really accomplish my objectives or if my goals are merely distant dreams.

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I keep finding myself wanting things that I'm not able to have. I also wonder to myself, if I went to great lengths to get it and it becomes mine eventually, do I want it enough to keep it? Should I be someone that tries to attain everything? I can't find something that I feel strong enough that makes me want to say, "I'm doing anything I can to make this mine and I'm going to keep it". Everything now is more of "if I get it, great, but if I don't it doesn't bother me either", only that I want some things more than certain others.

Perhaps, it is attributed to a lack of confidence? I do not know as I have not ever reached a point whereby I could face things in that way. I doubt so though; even with the confidence to undertake it, if it's not something you want, you would not be able to excel at performing at the optimum.

I shall just continue to play it slow by the sidelines then as right now I see no point in being upfront about it; it would stand to prove nothing nor gain anything at all. 

End