..and the worst part is, before it get any better we're heading for a cliff...
...and in the freefall I'll realize I'm better off, when I hit the bottom..
My pen name is K'jura. Welcome to a world of personal thoughts, stubborn arrogance, and random posts.
the entry that shouldn't have been but did, Part II (Reloaded) ;
Nov 6, 2009, 2:57 AM
Still, there's this unsettling feeling of confusion and abandon.
Before I set out for India, I was in my usual state of pondering endless thoughts of my life up to this point. I still didn't know where I was headed; I had no direction, no objective, no purpose. I've contemplated just wrecking the rest of my life when it just seemed beyond reproach at certain turning points. I had one opportunity taken away from me at the last moment back in July to leave the country. I was definitely angry, and disappointed. It was not so much the allowance for being overseas but moreso the chance to just abandon and leave all behind for a month.
I cannot remember when was it that I just wanted to get out of the country to not think about what I'm potentially leaving behind, what I may sorely miss and what I may rather do without. The opportunity came around once more last month and I eagerly wrapped my arms around it tightly.
Was there really a reason for wanting to leave here so badly?
Surely, I believe I have at some point in time taken this as a chance to run away and escape from having to face the realities of life here, as if I was running into a space where I cease to exist until the point I took a step in that time. I know it was utterly foolish, and it still is; I knew I was bound to return, to face all that I kidded myself I was actually leaving behind. Perhaps it held some slivers of truth. I travelled to India and experienced something completely unbeknownst to me until it happened, gaining insight and an escapade for my thoughts, and when I returned, I've definitely left behind some of the emotional baggage that I've undoubtedly brought along, albeit subconsciously.
What was I after?
I was after change. A different environment, with different people, with different interactions and different opinions, a different me.
I was after freedom. Freedom to not have to spend on necessities and freedom to spend on what I want for myself, the money, the absence of rules in play, the void of hierarchical control.
I was after salvation. To be liberated from my thoughts, my obsessions.
Did I achieve what I was after?
One month in a different environment, many new friends and acquaintances made, much more interaction with strangers and exposure to the interests and opinions of others. Myself, however, I'm not sure I changed much. Minus the tan, how much of me has changed? Do I look any different? No. Has my thinking changed? Possibly, but I do not know to what extent.
Freedom, this I definitely gained. Most of the time were given to us to be spent at our own jurisdiction, many decisions were left to us, I spent on buying things for myself (something I rarely do), the oppotunity to do what we wanted within reasonable limits (which can be partly attributed to our vocation being based in India) and not having to abide by daily whims and fancies of the upper echelon of this organization I did not volunteer to play a part in.
I seeked salvation but what I got was just but a reprieve.
One that left me wondering where I'm going down this road ahead.
One that leads me back to the beginning.
And we can start all over again at the start of this entry.
the entry that shouldn't have been but did, Part II ;
Nov 5, 2009, 2:35 AM
Before I start now, don't get me wrong; Agni Warrior was great. The company, the experience and the friendships made will be deeply remembered and missed. I thoroughly enjoyed myself throughout the entire exercise experience with thanks to the people who were there with me for those 28 days and I hope I did the same in their experience there as well.
Still, there's this unsettling feeling of confusion and abandon.
I'm sure that before I set out for Agni Warrior I had certain thoughts and resolutions in mind; I'm just unsure if I've lost them or they were blindly made in lack of foresight.
It's 2:34am.
I'm tired and about to head to bed.
I will continue this discourse tomorrow.
the entry that shouldn't have been but did, Part I ;
Sep 27, 2009, 12:09 AM
_________________________________
Haven't been updates in a really, really long time.
Haven't had the mood to do any blogging of late. It's not like nothing's going on, just that there are too many small things and thoughts to blog about and I can't be bothered to blog a post for each and every one.
Suddenly had the 'inspiration' to write some shit especially before I depart to India (Hopefully or otherwise, for real this time around) in 6 days time.
Anyway, I don't know if I've ever mentioned before that music moves me in ways otherwise unknown. Just the song playing over a radio, in a shop of a shopping center, in a passing car, on a friend's iPod or other player; it can lift me up, tear me down, inspire me or bring me to tears.
Which brings this unusual entry to the next part. I've always had a few songs stuck in me, ones that last for months and years, and without fail I think of the same things each time I listen to those songs.
And if you're stupid enough to not understand that I'm putting my own input and changes, then go ahead and think I'm the stupid one for putting what you deem as 'inaccurate'.
_________________________________
From Paramore's "Here We Go Again"
And here we go again
With all the things we said
And not a minute spent
To think that we'd regret
So we just take it back,
These words and hold our breath
Forget the things we swore we meant.
Sounds a lot like us in the past when we used to always quarrel, disagree and bicker. At the end of the day (night.), we'd just regret saying all the things we meant and take it back, hoping that everything will be fine when we make up, forgetting all that we swore we meant perhaps just moments ago.
I'll write you just to let you know that I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not. (No I'm not) Well, I'm not.
Can't say I didn't gain anything when you left, but it was probably too little too late. I've definitely lost someone close, something important; a major part of my life had just collapsed. I'm alright though, can't say I'm sad to see you go cause I'm not. (I'm not?) Well, I'm not...
And here we go again
With all the things we did
And now I'm wondering
Just who would I have been
To be the one attached
At all time to your hip?
Forget the things we swore we meant.
Who would I have been if I have been one attached at all time to your hip when everything finally let go? Now it's not just what we've said during our disagreements; everything we swore that was important that we meant, we've forgotten it all.
I'll write you just to let you know that I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not, no I'm not.
Well, I'm not. (No, I'm not, no I'm not).
I'll write you to let you know that I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not (no, I'm not)
Well, I'm not (no, I'm not)
I'm not, I'm not.
And here we go again
With all the things you said
And not a minute spent
To think that we'd regret
So we just take it back (11x)
_________________________________
From Paramore's "Decode"
How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't seem to get out of this cycle pushing myself away and getting drawn back into you
What's right anymore when all thoughts eventually converge back to the same point
I can't win your losing fight
All the time
This ain't a fight I can win just because I choose to stand and fight
Even if I ever feel like I'm winning; I wasn't made to win this
Nor can I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
I've lost heart; my passion and my essence
If I lose even my pride, then what else would I have left
No, not this time.
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.
The truth is hiding in your eyes
From them that I will never get to see
And it's hanging on your tongue
Right there, but never actually being said
Just boiling in my blood
As much as I do; want to hear it, know it, feel it.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of girl that you are
If you're a girl at all.
Well, I'll figure this one out
On my own.
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(Your thoughts I can't decode.)
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
...There is something I see in you
It might kill me.
Yet,
I want it to be true.
_________________________________
From Flyleaf's "Sorrow"
Sometimes life seems too quiet into paralyzing silence
Like the moonless dark, meant to make me strong
Familiar breath of my old lies
Changed the color in my eyes
Soon he will perforate the fabric of peaceful by and by
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl
That's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
He knew each tear before it came
Soon she will perforate the fabric of peaceful by and by
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
And we kissed each other one more time
And sing this lie that's halfway mine
The sword is slicing through the question
So I won't be fooled by his angel light
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
Up into the stars
Joy will come!
(I don't even know where to begin talking about the lyrics to this song. I think there isn't much to be said by me about this one. More of, I can imagine this song being sung with myself being at the center of it. If you understand English, simply let the lyrics do the talking.)
________________________________
From Paramore's "Brighter"
So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
Well, I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone
Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.
Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.
Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.
If you run away now,
Will you come back around?
And if you ran away,
I'd still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright.
Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.
And I'll wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
(You shine bright, you shine bright)
And I'll wave goodbye tonight.
This is monumentally the first song from Paramore that grabbed me and shook me up; angry fits, sorrowful tears, silent agreement and all. I can't bring myself to hate her, nor stay angry with her for long, not even up till today. It still hurts now and then when I look back at myself asking the question for real, "But if you take what's yours and I take mine, must we go there? Please not this time, please". Still, she still shines the brightest in my eye and until one day if/when I ever get over her completely then maybe I will be able to stop loving her.
Self-explanatory.
I'll leave the lyrics to do the rest of the talking.
________________________________
Haven't been updates in a really, really long time.
Haven't had the mood to do any blogging of late. It's not like nothing's going on, just that there are too many small things and thoughts to blog about and I can't be bothered to blog a post for each and every one.
Suddenly had the 'inspiration' to write some shit especially before I depart to India (Hopefully or otherwise, for real this time around) in 6 days time.
Anyway, I don't know if I've ever mentioned before that music moves me in ways otherwise unknown. Just the song playing over a radio, in a shop of a shopping center, in a passing car, on a friend's iPod or other player; it can lift me up, tear me down, inspire me or bring me to tears.
Which brings this unusual entry to the next part. I've always had a few songs stuck in me, ones that last for months and years, and without fail I think of the same things each time I listen to those songs.
And if you're stupid enough to not understand that I'm putting my own input and changes, then go ahead and think I'm the stupid one for putting what you deem as 'inaccurate'.
_________________________________
From Paramore's "Here We Go Again"
And here we go again
With all the things we said
And not a minute spent
To think that we'd regret
So we just take it back,
These words and hold our breath
Forget the things we swore we meant.
Sounds a lot like us in the past when we used to always quarrel, disagree and bicker. At the end of the day (night.), we'd just regret saying all the things we meant and take it back, hoping that everything will be fine when we make up, forgetting all that we swore we meant perhaps just moments ago.
I'll write you just to let you know that I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not. (No I'm not) Well, I'm not.
Can't say I didn't gain anything when you left, but it was probably too little too late. I've definitely lost someone close, something important; a major part of my life had just collapsed. I'm alright though, can't say I'm sad to see you go cause I'm not. (I'm not?) Well, I'm not...
And here we go again
With all the things we did
And now I'm wondering
Just who would I have been
To be the one attached
At all time to your hip?
Forget the things we swore we meant.
Who would I have been if I have been one attached at all time to your hip when everything finally let go? Now it's not just what we've said during our disagreements; everything we swore that was important that we meant, we've forgotten it all.
I'll write you just to let you know that I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not, no I'm not.
Well, I'm not. (No, I'm not, no I'm not).
I'll write you to let you know that I'm alright
Can't say I'm sad to see you go
Cause I'm not (no, I'm not)
Well, I'm not (no, I'm not)
I'm not, I'm not.
And here we go again
With all the things you said
And not a minute spent
To think that we'd regret
So we just take it back (11x)
_________________________________
From Paramore's "Decode"
How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't seem to get out of this cycle pushing myself away and getting drawn back into you
What's right anymore when all thoughts eventually converge back to the same point
I can't win your losing fight
All the time
This ain't a fight I can win just because I choose to stand and fight
Even if I ever feel like I'm winning; I wasn't made to win this
Nor can I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
I've lost heart; my passion and my essence
If I lose even my pride, then what else would I have left
No, not this time.
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.
The truth is hiding in your eyes
From them that I will never get to see
And it's hanging on your tongue
Right there, but never actually being said
Just boiling in my blood
As much as I do; want to hear it, know it, feel it.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of girl that you are
If you're a girl at all.
Well, I'll figure this one out
On my own.
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(Your thoughts I can't decode.)
How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
...There is something I see in you
It might kill me.
Yet,
I want it to be true.
_________________________________
From Flyleaf's "Sorrow"
Sometimes life seems too quiet into paralyzing silence
Like the moonless dark, meant to make me strong
Familiar breath of my old lies
Changed the color in my eyes
Soon he will perforate the fabric of peaceful by and by
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl
That's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
He knew each tear before it came
Soon she will perforate the fabric of peaceful by and by
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
And we kissed each other one more time
And sing this lie that's halfway mine
The sword is slicing through the question
So I won't be fooled by his angel light
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
Up into the stars
Joy will come!
(I don't even know where to begin talking about the lyrics to this song. I think there isn't much to be said by me about this one. More of, I can imagine this song being sung with myself being at the center of it. If you understand English, simply let the lyrics do the talking.)
________________________________
From Paramore's "Brighter"
So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
Well, I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone
Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.
Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.
Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.
If you run away now,
Will you come back around?
And if you ran away,
I'd still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright.
Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.
And I'll wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
(You shine bright, you shine bright)
And I'll wave goodbye tonight.
This is monumentally the first song from Paramore that grabbed me and shook me up; angry fits, sorrowful tears, silent agreement and all. I can't bring myself to hate her, nor stay angry with her for long, not even up till today. It still hurts now and then when I look back at myself asking the question for real, "But if you take what's yours and I take mine, must we go there? Please not this time, please". Still, she still shines the brightest in my eye and until one day if/when I ever get over her completely then maybe I will be able to stop loving her.
Self-explanatory.
I'll leave the lyrics to do the rest of the talking.
________________________________
life is a game;
Aug 23, 2009, 9:29 PM
If I've tagged you in this, do read it if you have the time. If you don't have the time, make time to then.
____________________________________________________
At some point in time, everyone wakes up and suddenly feels very detached from this world; "What's the meaning to life? Why am I going through the same cycle of mundane acts each day?" Sometimes we question why we live, why we are alive, then we come across posters from the Police and from the Government shouting in bold bright letters: "Life is a game. Choose to win." Then people go thinking if life really is a game. After all, one can choose to put a game down whenever they want to, right?
____________________________________________________
You don't quite fully remember all the details; you knew that you used to cry quite a bit, which Kindergarten you attended. You remember faintly, taking that nasty tumble when you tripped on the stairs or getting your fingers caught between the gates while closing the door to your house. The cartoons you watch and the kind of hobbies you used to do when you were younger linger at the back of your head, the stranger you met on the bus who patted your head, the childish games you played when you were in Primary School with your classmates half of whom you can't remember their names, a couple which you've recently encountered again who you realize have made as much progress as you. The next thoughts that follow bring you to your Secondary School days at whichever point in time you were finally given control to make your own decisions. The introductory video ends.
Thank you for rolling on Earth(Singapore). Welcome to Life.
What do I eat? The $1.00 noodle soup is just filling enough, or should I go for the $2.00 mixed vegetable rice and get myself a well-fed buff? I've got Chemistry later, but what I'm really aiming to take up is Art and Craft(ing). Forget it, I don't need the buff; that $1.00 noodles will do.
Hey, isn't that my ex-schoolmate from Primary School? Oh, he's the same level as me now. Lucky me, we're both chose the same trade-skills; looks like we can exchange some knowledge or at least have something to talk about. I wonder where did he go to level up... Haven't seen him in the longest time.
Should I apply for or ? I heard that Nanyang's pace is more casual than Ngee Ann. I'm not sure I'm that committed but Ngee Ann does have a better progression rate. Hmm.. I've a couple of people I know in too, I guess I'll go for it then.
This [Rachel Tse] babe is awesome. I think I'd like it very much to proceed on with higher content with her. Right, first to get her number and add her to my friend list. I wonder if she'd be interested to head to Orchard Road with me; seems like a very popular place for people our in our level range. Guess I'll just have to ask her and send out the invite, see if she accepts it...
I need to go through this "National Service" quest to raise my level cap, or I can't proceed. It's not that bad, is it? Besides I'll get some useful experience I can use when I break the level cap. If only I rolled a female. They don't have to go through this stupid quest just to gain progression. Maybe it's time to consider a Gender and Name change... No, forget it. Don't have the funds to do that. Just suck thumb, die die have to finish this questline.
[Rachel Tse] whispers: "I've had it with your ****ing level cap quest nonsense. I found someone else to group with, at least he's done with this quest. I'm sick of sitting around waiting for something to happen while you can't get out of this miserable quest. kkthxbai." Message recieved 7 hours ago. Uhh, thought I had my profanity filter off... Anyway...
[Username] to [Rachel Tse]: "It's not my fault that I have to finish this quest, give me a chance please? I didn't chose this on purpose and I can't progress without it. Darling?"
You have been blocked by [Rachel Tse]. Message not sent.
Fuck.
"National Service: Part IV" failed. My god, how am I supposed to finish this quest with a bunch of fucktards!? I swear if this was a solo quest I could complete it with ease. Now I'm trapped for 24 hours until I finish this bloody "Guard Duty" sub-quest. I swear this game needs to allow us to TK our own 'allies'. Bastards.
"National Service" completed. Congratulations! Yeah, big fucking whoop-dee-doo. Now I've lost my partner, so what if I've raised the level cap huh? Just gonna carry on alone anyway. Sigh. Life's gonna be much harder to complete right now. This sucks. Maybe I should find some Money Hacks or Consumables Hack and progress ahead of others.. but then again, consequences of being caught are severe... Especially in (Singapore), using and selling Consumables warrants a Death Sentence(Perm. Ban). Better play it safe I guess.
You've learnt Riding(150). Big deal, still don't have money to afford a mount.
I haven't tried going to Phuture before. Maybe I should give it a try. Party or raid? Think it's much easier with a raid; time to invite 9 others and try this place out. Man, this place is awesome. The music track for this place is just off the charts, think I'll get a raid and come back here every weekend when it resets. Oh, what's this?
[Username] is tipsy. Interesting concoction this is...
[Username] is completely smashed. Thish ish shome good *hic* shtuff! Time to party! *burp*
[Username] grinds [Samantha Sim].
[Samantha Sim] casts "Low Blow" on [Username]. You take 1337 damage.
You are stunned.
[Samantha Sim] yells for [Keith Chan]. Omfg. They're chained targets!? I need help!
[Raid][Ben Tan]: Someone misdirect! Faster oei!
[Raid][Kenneth Loh] casts Misdirect on [Keith Chan].
[Raid][Ben Tan] casts Hokkien Expletives on [Keith Chan] for 500 damage. [Keith Chan] gains Enrage.
[Keith Chan] casts Execute on [Ben Tan] for 51337 (Critical). [Ben Tan] dies.
Quick, exit the instance before we all wipe! Soulstone up and hearth when they're chasing us, kinz kinz!
____________________________________________________
That's just the beginning. Life's a game, don't you agree so?
____________________________________________________
At some point in time, everyone wakes up and suddenly feels very detached from this world; "What's the meaning to life? Why am I going through the same cycle of mundane acts each day?" Sometimes we question why we live, why we are alive, then we come across posters from the Police and from the Government shouting in bold bright letters: "Life is a game. Choose to win." Then people go thinking if life really is a game. After all, one can choose to put a game down whenever they want to, right?
____________________________________________________
You don't quite fully remember all the details; you knew that you used to cry quite a bit, which Kindergarten you attended. You remember faintly, taking that nasty tumble when you tripped on the stairs or getting your fingers caught between the gates while closing the door to your house. The cartoons you watch and the kind of hobbies you used to do when you were younger linger at the back of your head, the stranger you met on the bus who patted your head, the childish games you played when you were in Primary School with your classmates half of whom you can't remember their names, a couple which you've recently encountered again who you realize have made as much progress as you. The next thoughts that follow bring you to your Secondary School days at whichever point in time you were finally given control to make your own decisions. The introductory video ends.
Thank you for rolling on Earth(Singapore). Welcome to Life.
What do I eat? The $1.00 noodle soup is just filling enough, or should I go for the $2.00 mixed vegetable rice and get myself a well-fed buff? I've got Chemistry later, but what I'm really aiming to take up is Art and Craft(ing). Forget it, I don't need the buff; that $1.00 noodles will do.
Hey, isn't that my ex-schoolmate from Primary School? Oh, he's the same level as me now. Lucky me, we're both chose the same trade-skills; looks like we can exchange some knowledge or at least have something to talk about. I wonder where did he go to level up... Haven't seen him in the longest time.
Should I apply for
This [Rachel Tse] babe is awesome. I think I'd like it very much to proceed on with higher content with her. Right, first to get her number and add her to my friend list. I wonder if she'd be interested to head to Orchard Road with me; seems like a very popular place for people our in our level range. Guess I'll just have to ask her and send out the invite, see if she accepts it...
I need to go through this "National Service" quest to raise my level cap, or I can't proceed. It's not that bad, is it? Besides I'll get some useful experience I can use when I break the level cap. If only I rolled a female. They don't have to go through this stupid quest just to gain progression. Maybe it's time to consider a Gender and Name change... No, forget it. Don't have the funds to do that. Just suck thumb, die die have to finish this questline.
[Rachel Tse] whispers: "I've had it with your ****ing level cap quest nonsense. I found someone else to group with, at least he's done with this quest. I'm sick of sitting around waiting for something to happen while you can't get out of this miserable quest. kkthxbai." Message recieved 7 hours ago. Uhh, thought I had my profanity filter off... Anyway...
[Username] to [Rachel Tse]: "It's not my fault that I have to finish this quest, give me a chance please? I didn't chose this on purpose and I can't progress without it. Darling?"
You have been blocked by [Rachel Tse]. Message not sent.
Fuck.
"National Service: Part IV" failed. My god, how am I supposed to finish this quest with a bunch of fucktards!? I swear if this was a solo quest I could complete it with ease. Now I'm trapped for 24 hours until I finish this bloody "Guard Duty" sub-quest. I swear this game needs to allow us to TK our own 'allies'. Bastards.
"National Service" completed. Congratulations! Yeah, big fucking whoop-dee-doo. Now I've lost my partner, so what if I've raised the level cap huh? Just gonna carry on alone anyway. Sigh. Life's gonna be much harder to complete right now. This sucks. Maybe I should find some Money Hacks or Consumables Hack and progress ahead of others.. but then again, consequences of being caught are severe... Especially in (Singapore), using and selling Consumables warrants a Death Sentence(Perm. Ban). Better play it safe I guess.
You've learnt Riding(150). Big deal, still don't have money to afford a mount.
I haven't tried going to Phuture before. Maybe I should give it a try. Party or raid? Think it's much easier with a raid; time to invite 9 others and try this place out. Man, this place is awesome. The music track for this place is just off the charts, think I'll get a raid and come back here every weekend when it resets. Oh, what's this?
[Username] is tipsy. Interesting concoction this is...
[Username] is completely smashed. Thish ish shome good *hic* shtuff! Time to party! *burp*
[Username] grinds [Samantha Sim].
[Samantha Sim] casts "Low Blow" on [Username]. You take 1337 damage.
You are stunned.
[Samantha Sim] yells for [Keith Chan]. Omfg. They're chained targets!? I need help!
[Raid][Ben Tan]: Someone misdirect! Faster oei!
[Raid][Kenneth Loh] casts Misdirect on [Keith Chan].
[Raid][Ben Tan] casts Hokkien Expletives on [Keith Chan] for 500 damage. [Keith Chan] gains Enrage.
[Keith Chan] casts Execute on [Ben Tan] for 51337 (Critical). [Ben Tan] dies.
Quick, exit the instance before we all wipe! Soulstone up and hearth when they're chasing us, kinz kinz!
____________________________________________________
That's just the beginning. Life's a game, don't you agree so?
of conditions and criteria;
Aug 19, 2009, 10:12 PM
The very first criteria I expect from the other party is more or less an immediate failure the moment it fails to be met:
- Have a minimum decent command of English, if not or otherwise better yet, above-average. I can probably understand her if she spoke horrible English, just that my IQ'd drop each time she spoke and I had to try understanding what was just said. No seriously, I can understand you. Could you understand me? Happy isn't just happy; joyous, merry, euphoric, ecstatic, tipsy, chirpy. Sad isn't just sad either; melancholic, upset, depressed, emotional. The list is inexhaustive. I don't want someone who thinks the world of thoughts and emotion can be defined with two simple words. My keyboard generates more words and is officially more attractive and a better partner than over half of Singapore's population.
Other criteria I look out for in finding the right partner:
Bonus points however, if you successfully meet any of the following criteria:
- Be pleasant to my eyes. She doesn't need to look drop-dead gorgeously pretty. Just look pleasant, and know how to look pleasant. It doesn't bother me if she has a peculiar or uncommon style, or dress like a fricken gothloli doll (actually, I think I might like that.) but know how to carry your looks and yourself. Bleaching your hair blonde and looking like an Albino when you're not (or even worse, Krauzer, for those who know who that is...) will not be tolerated. Seriously, at least I need to like how she looks.
- She must not be stick thin. Please, for the love of love itself, being stick-ass scrawny is not in, is not healthy, and is not attractive. If you are and you're reading this, please get yourself and extra meal. Now. Fit/Toned and Skinny are not interchangeable and neither are they the same. I can't stand looking at people who I can potentially snap into two at the waist for being too skinny for comfort. She doesn't need to be fat; get some flesh on those bones hey? And to anyone who is reading this and find that it applies to you, stop complaining you're flat-chested while depriving yourself of nutrients at the same time to be skinny. Gain a slight bit more and you'll have a fuller figure too. Besides, no one likes to hug a fork.
- Be able to hold an intellectual/semi-intellectual conversation with me for more than five minutes. Self-explainatory. Ought to be the second most important criteria after the first. *makes a mental note*
Bonus points however, if you successfully meet any of the following criteria:
- Bust size of 34B to 36C. I'm not joking on this one.
- Being between the height of 170 and 180. So hard to find tall girls these days hmm...
- Does not smoke. Yeah, call it double-standards maybe, I don't care. It gets you points. And cookies.
- Listens to the same artistes and songs that I listen to. Music is a very important factor for me. It's hard to imagine getting along well with someone for a long period of time being together with completely different music tastes in the long run, even as friends.
- Open-minded and expressive. I don't like stubborn or really closed up people. They're hard to fathom, impossible to please over a long-term, unsexy. I might promote this to a main criteria...
Chew on this, bitches.
Aug 13, 2009, 9:33 PM
Updates, updates, updates.I'm getting my status upped to PES B, Bitches!
That amazing piece of news aside..
Hot damn. My last proper post was when Guwardi left for Indonesia, and now he's already back and rotting in front of his shitty computer in Singapore less than a stone's throw away from my house.
Current Projects:
- The K'jura Project
- Project Euphemia
"The K'jura Project" is private and confidential, while "Project Euphemia" is one big project slated to start at the end of this week. Both projects are projected to end at the same time in about one year's time. 'Euphemia' sums up many on-going matters/affairs, and then some more. Let's just say, a lotta things are more serious than they ever were before (especially with the equally serious prospect of the big fat PES B looming over the horizon). Can't be bothered to update more than this for tonight, fasting for another round of blood tests so I can't even bloody drink plain water, which is a fucking pain in the ass.
(Sidenote: I counted 13 tubes of blood drawn for the sake of blood tests since the beginning of 2008, at least. In 9 hours, another 2-3 tubes will be drawn. And they still say I can't donate blood due to high blood pressure. Amazing.)
(Side-sidenote: I look at the needle EVERYTIME it get stabbed into my arm.)
(Side of side-sidenote: Needles going through flesh is good. Pain, is good. Reminds us that we're all still alive and not quite ready to die yet.)
[Day 13] 25 July
Jul 25, 2009, 11:42 PM
Have I gone too far into the darker side of life to come back out from it unscathed?
[Day 7, End of Week 1] 19 July
Jul 19, 2009, 10:59 PM
Day 7; slept barely 2 hours from 7AM to 10AM as I was gonna see Gu off at the airport. Met them at 11:30AM when it was supposed to be 30 minutes earlier. Ended up taking a taxi down instead. Accompanied him to check in then went for second breakfast (sorta.) at Popeye's on the second floor of Terminal 1. We left with some time to spare before he had to enter the departure gate and I was the first to realize his flight scheduled for 2:30PM initially was rescheduled to 5PM. With 3 hours to burn, we went to Tampines in seach of an arcade. Some arcade it was indeed! We all ended up finding arcade consoles with credits unused there, so many free games in the time we were there. Amazing.
We headed back to Changi to see him off, joking along the way that the flight had better not postpone itself again or he'd have to sleepover in Changi Airport tonight by himself already. Lucky for all of us, it's scheduled to fly as planned, so we saw him off into the departure hall then grabbed a drink and bite at Jollybean. Agnes was visibly stressed (in my eyes) with her two pancakes and cup of Soyabean milk. She wanted to watch for the plane to depart the berth so I accompanied her to wait, before taking our own hour long journey all the way back to Clementi while I listened to her life story (appendixed.) most of the way.
I felt some emotions stir up within me while I was at the airport, partly that one of my closer friends won't be around for some time, the on-off need to go down to the airport again the following week or lack thereof if the trip takes flight or not, pardon the pun, as well as trying to feel Agnes' emotions but that left me feeling funny, myself missing an imaginery someone as she's boarding the plane to leave the country without me.
So tired, still haven't slept since the two hours in the morning and sick of the whole wall of text I've regurgitated in the past 3 hours. No more binge blogging for me.
Week 2 begins now.
You ready?
We headed back to Changi to see him off, joking along the way that the flight had better not postpone itself again or he'd have to sleepover in Changi Airport tonight by himself already. Lucky for all of us, it's scheduled to fly as planned, so we saw him off into the departure hall then grabbed a drink and bite at Jollybean. Agnes was visibly stressed (in my eyes) with her two pancakes and cup of Soyabean milk. She wanted to watch for the plane to depart the berth so I accompanied her to wait, before taking our own hour long journey all the way back to Clementi while I listened to her life story (appendixed.) most of the way.
I felt some emotions stir up within me while I was at the airport, partly that one of my closer friends won't be around for some time, the on-off need to go down to the airport again the following week or lack thereof if the trip takes flight or not, pardon the pun, as well as trying to feel Agnes' emotions but that left me feeling funny, myself missing an imaginery someone as she's boarding the plane to leave the country without me.
So tired, still haven't slept since the two hours in the morning and sick of the whole wall of text I've regurgitated in the past 3 hours. No more binge blogging for me.
Week 2 begins now.
You ready?
[Day 6] 18 July
10:59 PM
Day 6; one of the quickest Saturdays I've had in some time. Woke up at 3PM and ate breakfast for lunch (Yes, think about it.) while I kept myself updated with my manga updates. She dropped me a text at 4PM asking if I've any need for buying stuffed toys as she was having a car boot sale, which led me to think about the time she came to help me out with the small flea market stand and I looked back on how I wasn't the most supportive boyfriend while we were still together, to say the least amongst other things. I figured out with the address I was given it wasn't a big event, more of a casual event and the chance to get a little money on the side. I decided to drop by irregardless and give a little support to the effort, so I picked one out of the many stuffed toys displayed in the boot of the car. It was one of those teddy bears with bloody claws and blood dripping from their mouths; I always liked them, thought they were cute in a morbid kinda way. Besides, it's not made to look like a doll out of a horror movie. They're pretty adorable if you can get pass the idea that's supposed to be blood dripping out the mouth. Planned to find Ag & Gu but neither picked up their phones before I soon realized that they'd most likely have a bike and I wouldn't be able to get back if I went down and we stayed late there. Just then Agnes called back to let me know they'd most likely be catching a late night movie (which affirms that I'd be stranded) so I turned and made my way back home telling em to meet up for supper later.
So met them for supper at 10 plus till 1130 for the last time at least for the next two weeks. I tried out her Phantom for the first time, just a short distance in the carpark. What can I say? I suck at bikes, I'm not used to the size and length of a Phantom, and it's pick-up puts the driving center bikes to complete and absolute shame. Didn't dare to go any further with it, so waved the white flag and surrendered. Hahaa.
So met them for supper at 10 plus till 1130 for the last time at least for the next two weeks. I tried out her Phantom for the first time, just a short distance in the carpark. What can I say? I suck at bikes, I'm not used to the size and length of a Phantom, and it's pick-up puts the driving center bikes to complete and absolute shame. Didn't dare to go any further with it, so waved the white flag and surrendered. Hahaa.
[Day 5] 17 July
10:58 PM
Day 5; it goes down from here. Went to the medical center to get my review results. 1) The person who was supposed to be there, wasn't. 2) The review gave me yet another status I cannot work with. In a nutshell, I just got fucked over, wasted yet another trip, left hanging still, and no clarity to when this fuck shit issue will be resolved.
Had a battalion Racial Harmony Day event which we were all required to attend. Ate my first meal of the day there, was about 6:30PM to 7PM or so and suffered pangs of gastric pains the moment I swallowed my first bite. Pains and aches aside, events like this drain my life and sap away at my strength. Food served was crappy, entertainment was not entertaining, the venue was not comfortable, the final nail in the coffin was that the event lasted fucking, fucking long. We were there from 5:45PM to leaving at 9:45PM. That's 4 hours, mind you. A lot can be accomplished in 4 hours. Apparently that concept is lost to the minds of the organizers.
Went home to shower, change and put down my stuff. Hailed a taxi down to Clarke Quay. Hailed THE fastest vehicle I've ever ridden in in Singapore. 120km/h and slightly more; I'm sure the beeping I heard the whole ride was his speed limiter going off every time he went past 122, maybe 123km/h. Went clubbing at Rebel with the camp mates. Place wasn't too bad, Chivas bottles are cheap. I honestly hated the music. Fast and slow, Hip-hop then ballads. For the most part I felt the DJ was all over the place and didn't have a flying fuck of an idea what the hell he was spinning. I hope that's the case, cos if he did it deliberately I will get the idea he once fucked a hot chick when he got news that his mother died and just finished the job before dealing with the death. Felt really spastic. I'll stick to dbl O and Butterfactory personally.
Had a battalion Racial Harmony Day event which we were all required to attend. Ate my first meal of the day there, was about 6:30PM to 7PM or so and suffered pangs of gastric pains the moment I swallowed my first bite. Pains and aches aside, events like this drain my life and sap away at my strength. Food served was crappy, entertainment was not entertaining, the venue was not comfortable, the final nail in the coffin was that the event lasted fucking, fucking long. We were there from 5:45PM to leaving at 9:45PM. That's 4 hours, mind you. A lot can be accomplished in 4 hours. Apparently that concept is lost to the minds of the organizers.
Went home to shower, change and put down my stuff. Hailed a taxi down to Clarke Quay. Hailed THE fastest vehicle I've ever ridden in in Singapore. 120km/h and slightly more; I'm sure the beeping I heard the whole ride was his speed limiter going off every time he went past 122, maybe 123km/h. Went clubbing at Rebel with the camp mates. Place wasn't too bad, Chivas bottles are cheap. I honestly hated the music. Fast and slow, Hip-hop then ballads. For the most part I felt the DJ was all over the place and didn't have a flying fuck of an idea what the hell he was spinning. I hope that's the case, cos if he did it deliberately I will get the idea he once fucked a hot chick when he got news that his mother died and just finished the job before dealing with the death. Felt really spastic. I'll stick to dbl O and Butterfactory personally.
[Day 3 & 4] 15 - 16 July
10:57 PM
Day 3 is now officially lost, gone, and forgotten. I recall absolutely nothing about this day except going to bed at 11pm.
Day 4; woke at 3AM with a horrendous stirring gastric / stomach pains, which I thought was food poisoning, as I ate a day old slice of Papaya the night before. Bore with it, falling asleep and waking sporadically until 7:30AM to get medication and the day's MC from the polyclinic. It was a long time since I last went there; I used wait to see a doctor with her in the past throughout our years in Polytechnic. The feeling of nostalgia stirred me enough to send her a text despite knowing she would not possibly come. Went in to see the doctor and got diagnosed with gastric pains, which surprised me as I expected food poisoning. I swear she missed diagnosing food poisoning, since I had more such pains later in the day. Claimed medication, went home and had prawn noodles in soup so I could take my medicine. By 11AM, I was starting to feel lethargic so I took my temperature on a whim. 37.6 degrees Celsius. My morning temperature was 37.1 taken at the polyclinic. Had I hit that temperature in the morning I would likely have gotten more than one day of medical leave with all the H1N1 hoohah shit going down. Hell with it, so I went to sleep and woke up at 4PM. Went online surfed and played S4 for a while before having dinner at 6 plus or so, by 7pm, I was a goner. Lethargic, weak, cold (actually BEING hot.) so I decided to call it a day and hit the bed. Starting from 11pm the night before to waking time; Total hours = (1+24+5) = 30 hours. Total sleep time = (6+4+10) = 20 hours.
Day 4; woke at 3AM with a horrendous stirring gastric / stomach pains, which I thought was food poisoning, as I ate a day old slice of Papaya the night before. Bore with it, falling asleep and waking sporadically until 7:30AM to get medication and the day's MC from the polyclinic. It was a long time since I last went there; I used wait to see a doctor with her in the past throughout our years in Polytechnic. The feeling of nostalgia stirred me enough to send her a text despite knowing she would not possibly come. Went in to see the doctor and got diagnosed with gastric pains, which surprised me as I expected food poisoning. I swear she missed diagnosing food poisoning, since I had more such pains later in the day. Claimed medication, went home and had prawn noodles in soup so I could take my medicine. By 11AM, I was starting to feel lethargic so I took my temperature on a whim. 37.6 degrees Celsius. My morning temperature was 37.1 taken at the polyclinic. Had I hit that temperature in the morning I would likely have gotten more than one day of medical leave with all the H1N1 hoohah shit going down. Hell with it, so I went to sleep and woke up at 4PM. Went online surfed and played S4 for a while before having dinner at 6 plus or so, by 7pm, I was a goner. Lethargic, weak, cold (actually BEING hot.) so I decided to call it a day and hit the bed. Starting from 11pm the night before to waking time; Total hours = (1+24+5) = 30 hours. Total sleep time = (6+4+10) = 20 hours.
[Day 2] 14 July
Jul 14, 2009, 8:13 PM
So far, so good with the cancer sticks. No urges and no temptations. I actually turned down the offer from one of my regualars without as much as a second reconsideration for a stick.
Next thing to get to work on is starting to diet. I ate a hella lot today, for several reasons:
People who do NOT think severely irritate me. If your brains are not working to process the answer to simple questions, I don't know what the hell it's being used for at that very moment. No matter what kind of person you are, however friendly or kind, generous or upright, if you can't process a simple thought, a simple question, just surrender that sad excuse you have for a brain and get out of my sights. Your existence in my life is non-existent, almost fantastical.
Moving on, this latest girl I found myself interested in. She's a sweet person, more cheerful despite adversities than I'll ever be normally. Maybe it's what attracted me to her to begin with, however. As much as I like her / assume I like her / convinced myself that I like her, we have jack-nothing in common, and I have chemistry in the factor of something like 40 below zero with her. I just don't click. She just doesn't click.
Time for me to be moving on?
Whatever.
Next thing to get to work on is starting to diet. I ate a hella lot today, for several reasons:
- I ate too much over my Birthday; still hasn't adjusted back from the increase in appetite.
- I didn't have enough sleep, tend to eat more when I'm tired, I don't know why. Needing more energy? -shrug-
- Possibly there in the absence of cancer sticks to keep me 'occupied'.
People who do NOT think severely irritate me. If your brains are not working to process the answer to simple questions, I don't know what the hell it's being used for at that very moment. No matter what kind of person you are, however friendly or kind, generous or upright, if you can't process a simple thought, a simple question, just surrender that sad excuse you have for a brain and get out of my sights. Your existence in my life is non-existent, almost fantastical.
Moving on, this latest girl I found myself interested in. She's a sweet person, more cheerful despite adversities than I'll ever be normally. Maybe it's what attracted me to her to begin with, however. As much as I like her / assume I like her / convinced myself that I like her, we have jack-nothing in common, and I have chemistry in the factor of something like 40 below zero with her. I just don't click. She just doesn't click.
Time for me to be moving on?
Whatever.
[Day 1] 13 July
Jul 13, 2009, 9:11 PM
So it starts today, the beginning of what is hopefully the last time I hit the reset button. I grow weary of repeatedly starting over especially when it leads to the same outcome had I not tried to make changes.
Here we go.
First thing to be addressed: quitting the nicotine dependency. I started smoking heavily when I just went through my first break-up. Smoking occupied and fogged up my mind so much that I would stop thinking about things the moment I light up. I think we have since come to terms with each other more or less since. These days it is more of being aimless and lonely that afflicts me to those urges. While I've tried to put it down several times before, I succumbed to weak will time and time again. Well, it's not just that; I've grown to like the sensation of lighting up. It's only been one year that I've been chain smoking non-stop, yet it already feels like I've accustomed it to being part of my daily life. Regardless, I don't want this to remain as a part of my future. I think I will settle for lighting up only when I'm out clubbing doing karaoke.
The other matter at hand is the question of my persona; what the hell am I exactly? Sometimes I feel like a criminal with conscience. I can't stand squeaky-clean and unbending people, yet at the same time I despise those with flagrant disregard for respect, life, and love. I think I walk a very thin line between the two, being neither one nor the other, yet sporadically stepping foot into both boundaries. What do other people see me as? What kind of people do I attract? And are they the kind of people whom I want in my midst?
I've always fervently denied all that lies in the middle, all the gray areas that are neither kept in the dark not brought to light. If there's something that I need in life, it is clarity in all that revolves around me. I realize I've grown tolerant over the past year and subsequently allowed more of this ambiguity pass through. I disgust myself with this increased tolerance for rubbish lately.
On to other matters, I really hate sending messages into a void in space where it gets lost and unacknowledged. I guess you can't help it if you plain didn't see it in time for it to still be relevant, or did not have your phone with you, but seeing it and choosing not to reply is like talking to you face to face and sensing no response what. so. ever.
There are so many things stopping me from being myself. Things like principles, laws, courtesy, norms of society and people. I don't get why people actually factor in honestly. Am I shy or afraid to show them who I am?
Whatever.
I'm removing the limiters.
I'm letting go of all inhibitions.
Just watch.
Here we go.
First thing to be addressed: quitting the nicotine dependency. I started smoking heavily when I just went through my first break-up. Smoking occupied and fogged up my mind so much that I would stop thinking about things the moment I light up. I think we have since come to terms with each other more or less since. These days it is more of being aimless and lonely that afflicts me to those urges. While I've tried to put it down several times before, I succumbed to weak will time and time again. Well, it's not just that; I've grown to like the sensation of lighting up. It's only been one year that I've been chain smoking non-stop, yet it already feels like I've accustomed it to being part of my daily life. Regardless, I don't want this to remain as a part of my future. I think I will settle for lighting up only when I'm out clubbing doing karaoke.
The other matter at hand is the question of my persona; what the hell am I exactly? Sometimes I feel like a criminal with conscience. I can't stand squeaky-clean and unbending people, yet at the same time I despise those with flagrant disregard for respect, life, and love. I think I walk a very thin line between the two, being neither one nor the other, yet sporadically stepping foot into both boundaries. What do other people see me as? What kind of people do I attract? And are they the kind of people whom I want in my midst?
I've always fervently denied all that lies in the middle, all the gray areas that are neither kept in the dark not brought to light. If there's something that I need in life, it is clarity in all that revolves around me. I realize I've grown tolerant over the past year and subsequently allowed more of this ambiguity pass through. I disgust myself with this increased tolerance for rubbish lately.
On to other matters, I really hate sending messages into a void in space where it gets lost and unacknowledged. I guess you can't help it if you plain didn't see it in time for it to still be relevant, or did not have your phone with you, but seeing it and choosing not to reply is like talking to you face to face and sensing no response what. so. ever.
There are so many things stopping me from being myself. Things like principles, laws, courtesy, norms of society and people. I don't get why people actually factor in honestly. Am I shy or afraid to show them who I am?
Whatever.
I'm removing the limiters.
I'm letting go of all inhibitions.
Just watch.
Update on the minor update
Jul 12, 2009, 6:27 AM
WISHLIST
- Get my lip-piercings (Postponed till ORD)
- Get a small tattoo (Postponed till ORD)
- Get Class 2B License (Hopefully by end of the year)
- Get a second-hand bike (Hopefully by end of the year)
- Lose 5KG
- Lose 10KG
- Lose 15KG
- Clear off the dues that I owe
- Officially apologize to those I owe an apology to
- Quit dependence on Cancer Sticks
- Quit swearing
Of all that has been up till 22
4:50 AM
Things that took place I will never forget in this lifetime:- The bus rides to and from Hougang, and the once I spent my entire day there waiting, just waiting for someone, for something to happen.
- The spontaneous 8-hour wait for her to do her hair at Bukit Timah Plaza, doodling on a notepad, watching people walk on by and the giant TV screen, and the dinner of Hokkien Prawn Noodles at the food center.
- The day I just thought to make something and then set out immediately to gather materials and help and started on sewing the Angeling plush for her.
- Spending time sitting around the flight of stairs and in a unit of Block 117 Sunset Way, listening to old songs by Jay Chou and Mandy Moore, the sights of the dimly lit evenings, the smell of deodorant, perfume and the dusty stairwell.
- The insignificant bus ride with her from Esplanade back to her house while sharing her iPod, listening to Yong Qi, Fen Shou Kuai Le and Going Crazy.
- The day I had my first kiss, how we ended held hands as we made our way to my home, and the day that I was brought to life.
- The day the small handful of us cycled all the way to Marina Square from Clementi. I bought a pack of Next Mentol Lights, we made a stop at the bridge at the end of Boat Quay, then made our way to 7-Eleven at Marina for drinks before heading back to West Coast Park, where I disposed of my remaining cigarettes by lighting them up and sticking them into the sand in the shape of a star and drew a pentagram from it. Real stupid.
- The one day I just wanted to see her so badly that I made my way down to Esplanade alone hoping I would get the chance to see her when she was done with the concert/show she was attending, but alas, didn't because she was with her family.
- Attending Phantom of the Opera with her. I'll never forget this day.
- The day I enlisted into National Service in Pulau Tekong. Too many reasons and thoughts to possibly forget it.
- My outfield training in Pulau Tekong. One of the most memorable times, for very various reasons...
- The sea breeze, smell and view of the sea and Singapore island from the back of block Ulysses.
- The day she agreed to be together with me.
- The day a person pried into my bag at school without my permission and the following events that took place, especially the 360 I did to his belongings in the classroom. What the hell was I thinking!?
- The day I walked up behind this person who really got on everyone's nerves in Secondary School, and punched him on the back of the head. For no reason. Absolutely no reason. What the hell was I thinking on this, too!?
- Meeting her at dbl O on the following day when I dreamt that I'd run into her, while I was wearing our ring, another roman numeral ring and she was wearing our watch, on the first time she stepped into a club in years. I will never forget this day.
- The day we passed out of BMT in Pulau Tekong, said goodbye to the bunk, goodbye to poor Taurus who had to stay, the once in a lifetime chance to smoke on the Penguin Princess ferry from Tekong, hello to Singapore, and welcome back to facing my life all over again.
- The cruise that I went together with her and her family.
- Parties and BBQs at Winnie's home. Those were good times.
- The night I spent with her at a McDonalds, a digital camera, two drinks, and two stuffed dogs. Don't ask.
- Our first Christmas together. I'll never, ever, forget this day.
- The day we spent on Sentosa in our own world. I'll never forget this either.
- Liang Jing Ru - Fen Shou Kuai Le
- Liang Jing Ru - Yong Qi
- Liang Jing Ru - Lu
- Liang Jing Ru - Si Lu
- Liang Jing Ru - Gei Cong Qian De Ai
- Liang Jing Ru - Jie Shou
- Joey Rong - Du Zhao
- F.I.R - Wo Men De Ai
- F.I.R - Hou Le Yuan
- A7X - Warmness On The Soul
- Natalie - Going Crazy
- Jason Mraz - Details In The Fabric
- Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You
- Mandy Moore - Cry
- Mandy Moore - Someday We'll Know
- Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight
- Utada Hikaru - First Love
- Utada Hikaru - Be My Last
- Corrine May - Scars
- Westlife - I Miss You
- Paramore - Decode
- Paramore - Brighter
- Bukit Batok Civil Service Club
- Ngee Ann Polytechnic
- Jalan Jurong Kechil
- Esplanade
- The Merlion
- Clementi K-Box
- Block 117, Sunset Way
- The bridge at Boat Quay
- West Coast Park
- The pink iPod with a name sticker on it
- Bus rides on 51 to Hougang
- Bus rides to send her home
- Tanglin Secondary School
- Ginza Plaza
- Soup Spoon, Raffles City Shopping Center
- Sengkang LRT
- Heartland Mall, Kovan
- Arcade, Hougang Mall
- The seats at the back of block Ulysses
- My cordless phone
- The bunk of Platoon 1, Section 4, Ulysses
- OETI, Ayer Rajah Camp
- Adidas Dynamic Pulse Deodorant Spray
- Fa MEN Dynamic Deodorant Spray
- Glade Green Apple Air Freshener
- The warm running CPU
- Nivea Deodorant (White)
- Impulse Eau De Toilette
- Adidas Deodorant Spray (Light Green)
- Lanshop carpeting, computers and monitors.
- Clementi Polyclinic
- Car interior
- Lip Gloss
- Lipstick
- Nail Polish
- Hot Dogs from Ngee Ann Polytechnic's Library
- Smell of approaching rain
- Bukit Batok Civil Service Club
- Bukit Timah Plaza
- Hokkien Prawn Noodles
- West Coast Market Wanton Noodles
- Sour Plum Candies
- Lanvin Oxygene Perfume / Body Spray
- Lanvin Eclat d'Arpege Eau de Parfum
People who have made an impact in my life, touched my heart, opened my eyes, who I think about all the time, who made me who I am today. You probably don't know how much you all mean to me:
- Nicholas Tan Sum Jun
- Ong Peng Yong
- Lim Hoe Kiat
- Miss Tang Wai Yin
- Angela Yang
- Tang Wen Hui
- Amelia Yang
- Chiam Kim Teck
- Calvin Ting Poh Song
- Kenneth Tan Han Wen
- Andrea Colette Fernandez
- Tan Mei Xuan
- Joyce Lin Shi Ting
- Keshia Lee
- Albert Tan
- Rena Phua
- Yvonne Yew
- Winnie Chua
- Guwardi
- Jolene Tan
- Sueann Toh
- Charmaine Lim